Poem–”Community of Love”

This poem was written while in rehab and dedicated to that unique community of helpers.

I came to this community as a very wounded dove,

with open arms you welcomed as you guided me with love.

I remember how my broken wings had hurt and made me cry,

you helped me heal many things as you taught me again to fly.

During times of real yearning I was glad you were so near,

you always listened with true intent to relieve me of my fear.

I’m thankful for so many things, especially for the help you gave me seeing,

that sobriety and recovery, revolves around a very special Higher Being.

“I Can, I Will, I Must”

I can because you have given me the strength, the gifts,abilities, and more.

I will because my limitations, my cross to bear is not as bad as others and most important, You will help me overcome.

I must do because you give us only so much time and it is not my place to procrastinate, or play with destiny or fate!

Knock, and Knock Again

The struggles you face sometimes, I know, seem so insurmountable.

The pain that you exist with each and every day continuously does its very best to rob you of your strength, to unmercifully steal all your vitality.

No matter how much we try to be accepting and understanding of the reasons why, it never, ever seems fair, and at the same time it is so very difficult to figure out the reasons for the suffering that we are going through.

I am so sad for you, knowing how drastically your life has changed.  Things that you never expected, and certainly never deserved just happened.

Now you face a challenging decision and you certainly need endless encouragement.

If I could I would hold your hand, but more important, so will God.  He knows your needs, He sees your pain.

He waits for you to ask for His help, to knock, and knock again, and then to trust for the strength to persevere, the strength that only He can provide.

Of all the ways that I would like to help, and all the things that I would like to do, I sincerely feel in my heart, and based on my own experiences, the best way for me to help you, out of heartfelt love, is to constantly encourage you to trust in God.

I pray and ask Him to grant you all the strength, and more, that you will ever need, the strength for you to endure, and for you to understand that sometimes the trials and struggles that we go through are to bring us into a new and different place in our relationship with God that we have never experienced before.  Believe the fact that sometime in your life, He will also use you to help and be an inspiration to others.

May God guide you every moment of every day with peace, strength, faith, love, and wisdom.

Poem- “Lessons From Autumn”

I wrote this poem  October 7, 1978.  A year later to the date my father died.  The poem reflects the time of season and life.

Let the slowly passing shades of autumn,

speak simple life remedies to me ,

and be a lesson of hopes, dreams, and visions,

like the waves upon the sea.

Let the echo of a falling leaf,

remind me that my time will come,

and be a lesson of hopes , dreams, and visions,

“til I return to where I’m from…

“TWO EARS AND TWO HANDS”

As addicts and former addicts we have a responsibility to those addicts, now in need, to help strengthen, teach, counsel, rebuke, comfort, love, and pray for them.

If we really say we want to help then we have to take the time to learn about them, their needs, hopes, dreams, interests, fears, the depths of their hearts so we can help them.  This is really hard to do if someone has not yet reached the point of admitting that they are an addict or have an addiction problem.  We have to truly be listeners and guides to gently nurture them and their lives, and to help them break through the walls that surround so many hurting peoples hearts.  We have  to start them on the road to recovery.  We have two ears to listen and two hands to grasp out and hang on to those that need us today!  Use those ears and hands wisely!  God expects you to reach out!

“The You Inside of You”

Writing, poetry, a journal, prose, or recording your thoughts by some means are all excellent ways of expressing and identifying what you, as an addict, truly feel and think about in your journey and during your struggles.  It can help you uncover the “you” inside of you.  As you write your thoughts down,  and they are there in front of you on paper, it seems that they give you a reference point within your journey, kind of like a street sign that you can look at and say to yourself, ” oh yea”, that helps me understand a little better where I am at, and maybe also can help me to continue my focus in a particular area of growth or change. Maybe like looking at yourself in pictures at different times in your life and thinking about the memories a particular picture can give you.  Anything that helps you to overcome your addiction and continue a healthy life of recovery is good if it works for you.  Writing has helped me identify and expose a lot about myself during my journey and just , “maybe” it could be helpful to you.

Poem- “Sit and Ponder”

As you sit and ponder about life’ expectations,

have a deliberate notion to be free and endeavor whatever you choose,

be no more entangled among among a life of lowly vices than a searching young sparrow is to mothers side destined,

your hand it must reach out and your heart it must yearn,

to be constantly righteous and always belong, so stay true to your heart and true to your God

for behind you are leaving no more than the past,

it’s only a fortune of nothing and nothing so vast,  you have your memories that will last.

“The Fruit”

I learned in my journey with God in overcoming my 3 addictions that I had to work on certain characteristics called the “Fruit of the Spirit” to become the new person that God wanted me to be.  They are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  God will keep working with you on all of these changes and develop them within you because He wants you to experience all facets of love, He wants you to finally have peace, you need to be faithful, all addictive people need to certainly learn to be patient, etc,.  If you are persistent and you have surrendered your will to His will  these characteristics will slowly become a part of your daily life.  They will bring about much needed change and certainly you will find more inner conviction and strength because of developing them in your day to day life process. Taste the “Fruit ” my friend!

Suicide Really Hurts!

Pain of addiction also is for pain and addiction.  I remember like it was yesterday when my 2nd wife’s daughter committed suicide in a very violent way.
When I 1st found out I literally trembled from head to toe.  She was 18 and was coming and going, but that was not expected.  She had problems, but nothing we thought to that extent.  My ex wife never fully healed( how could you).  She attempted it herself while still with me.  We ended up divorcing and that was not the way it was supposed to be, but also not the only reason.  We are still great friends and I know she is still scared so deeply that the stain and pain will always be there.  She has been remarried for over 10 years and is relatively happy, but feels her pain every day.  As parents or guardians, or friends try to be more aware each day of what is going on around you, especially with those you love.  Always be willing to listen, to guide, to mentor, and never afraid to ask about situations and their friends, and what they are in to .  Challenge them each day so they know you are there.  Love them each moment you have because we all know that life is fragile and can change in an instant.

“Joy or Happiness”-two different paths

I said earlier today in my tweet on twitter.com/painofaddiction that happiness is satisfying your addictive craving the moment it is there. Joy is having the inner strength to resist the desire.  Happiness is really nothing more than satisfying a desire at a particular moment, and therefore it is very fleeting and that is why happiness never exists very long.  We all want to be happy, but we want it to be a little longer and more continuous at times.  That’s where joy comes in.

Joy is a blessing and a “fruit of the Spirit” that is nurtured within from having a relationship from God.  Joy does not disappear in fleeting moments like happiness because it is nurtured by God, it comes from God , not us.  One of the goals of an addictive personality or someone dealing with chronic pain who is trying to overcome and cope, is to find that joy that will abound within and enable us to truly overcome many obstacles that have been in our pasts.  Their are still struggles, but they get a little more manageable with joy guiding us internally  instead of happiness leading us to an usually false sense of security. You can start now by praying or asking for joy!  Maintaining that joy will will play a major role by enhancing your opportunity of overcoming your particular addiction or obstacle.